Offcuts from the Story Kettle

updated on 2017-08-17

bits and pieces, miscellaneous, excerpts, odds and ends, pictures, jumble, all sorts, scraps, this and that, odds and sods, words, left overs, sundries, other bits, bits and bobs, titbits, snippets, tips and recipes

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Do your friends know that you read ?
You'll have to tell them all, you know. Why do you do it ?

About me and about you and privacy and excerpts

1 January 1970 – The age of majority for most legal purposes was reduced from 21 to 18 under terms of the Family Law Reform Act 1969.

She was the only one to win against the punch bag, she had smashed it across the room against the wall and had ruined it. No one had done that... Continue reading...

Big Tone's omelette  recipe

I'm outside, the wind is coming into my face. It's not burning right, what shall I do, what shall I do? The wind comes from all sides, the music is too loud, what shall I do?

Das Leben in Düngdorf stinkt.

how not to €uro 4

Getting married this spring?
Then, don't forget on your wedding gift list
TWO milk jugs
cus they're the first to break.

She didn't want candles, cuz they could set light to her hair.

hot cross buns  recipe and my hot cross buns

She's a very naughty girl. She's into disappearing and reappearing. She especially likes hitting the Vicar, but she does not like being shouted at or being hit with a cane, she just wants to disappear and be somewhere... Continue reading...

Coming up soon in your country (in reverse Polish notation):
Gun! Foot! Shoot! Foot! Shoot!

One of the policemen was wearing a cherry tree tied to his back. It was in flower – pretty pink blossoms. Every time he moved about it rained pink petals on his head and shoulders.

Mad Person

Black Hearts  recipe

Chop your own wood – it will warm you twice.

It was the third day of the honeymoon and Betty was teaching the two of them the plumber's doorstop. It is not a very enjoyable position, you need to be very fit, but it's good for making babies. Betty was happy, the two were making progress.

Wayback Machine to explore more than 279 billion web pages saved over time

Yes, I've written about you. You who read my stories. And who I think you are, but hopefully not who I want you to be. Many websites have an ABOUT US link, but not many ABOUT YOU!

Do you wash potatoes in your washing machine?

I squeezed it and out came all this pus.

Battered babies may be served with chips.

Ich habe Seetang in meinem rechten Auge.


Panierte Kinder dürfen nicht serviert werden.


Put food in your mouth from time to time.

Could do, but won't.

Mal passant, no dogs.

Hattie ist Katies Schwester. Ich mag Hattie.
Hattie sagt, ich bin süß. Ich mag Katie.
Hattie sagt, dass sie komische Ideen hat. Ich denke Hattie ist... Weiter lesen...  Deutch

It was Colonel Mustard in the library with a can of peaches.

If you don't know the difference between viscous and vicious you may come to a sticky end.

The greenies have taken over the island, there are not many humans left. Jim Power has been sent to contact a group of survivors, if he can find any. He has a companion, a satellite telephone, some lead-barium pellets, a gun and something very... Continue reading...

Who the hell are you?
I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present.
But it's August.
I have come to warn you...
that there will be no Christmas in August.
How did you know that?

spandrels and architraves

Robert is your father's brother.

about numbers

Schon deinen Freunden vom erzählt?

time zones

A toddler in a 70-year-old body is an ugly thing.

Does your best friend know that you read ?
You'll have to tell her, you know.

Did you see Xmas biscuits in Lidl at the start of September?
I saw a left-over chocolate Father Xmas next to the Easter eggs in Aldi last January.

Mum's songs

Read   RenésatelliteSandhurstonionno boysEndabrickboilkickunsaidFaygirl in whitetooD&Cof corpsesword and balloon

Your vacuum cleaner sucks.

All the multi-part stories are at good read;
use the site map to find everything on this website.

Daffodils are honest.
Tulips are insincere.
Dahlias are lurid.

Now is the time to tell all your friends, all the people you know and
of course all your enemies about   your favourite story website.

Who regularly incites political violence and is a serial liar, rampant xenophobe, racist, misogynist and birther who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims – 1.6 billion members of an entire religion – from entering the U.S.

Perhaps I had eaten a policeman on the way home.

German stories

It's better than a kick in the head with a pointed stick.

You would think that this would drive any normal person crazy, but he was not normal and had always been crazy.


Do you want to print this?

Read B  gets kicked and Torkle and bottom and kettle and brick and Toby and Curate

Now is the time to tell all your friends, all the people you know and of course all your enemies about your favourite story website.
Offcuts is a large collection of bits and pieces, miscellaneous, odds and ends, jumble, all sorts, this and that, odds and sods, left overs, sundries, other bits, bits and bobs, titbits, snippets, excerpts and words and pictures and tips and recipes. Some are even stories, most are what Big Tone would call “Pieces Of Nonsense”. Try offcuts for the newest offcuts and index of titles and links and top ten links.

in and around the Story Kettle and in 2012-2015 and in 2009-2011 and in 2007-2008

list of all stories

This site is all about stories, it's full of stories.
Just click on a title and read a story.
There are lots of stories here.
Click on more titles and read more stories.

new offcuts and list of all offcuts   D-J   K-Q   R-Z   and offcuts 2016 and 2015 and 2014