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Who the hell are you?
I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present.
But it's August.
I have come to warn you...
that there will be no Christmas in August.
How did you know that?
A Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year
Rousseau: To be sane in a world of madmen is in itself a kind of madness.
Two young men threatened us with knives, a mugging. One picked up Betty “Yer money or the kid gets it!” It was terrible, there was nothing I could do to save him. Betty drove both her elbows into his chest. He let go of his knife, Betty and everything. Betty had broken his heart. The other guy lunged with a knife towards Betty, he looked into her eyes and turned to escape. Too late, Betty punched him in the back, he folded like a Swiss Army knife, but backwards. Betty had broken his spine.
spandrels and architraves
Philip Henry Sheridan: If I owned Texas and Hell, I'd rent out Texas and live in Hell.
Thomas Rainsborough: The poorest he in England hath a life to live as the greatest he.
And there was Mrs Manneater. This person was enormous. It was obvious that this person could eat women or men or both at the same time. Was she big! Sonja was fascinated. There are big women, there are women with room for pots of geraniums on their hips, there are women with room for pots all round. Mrs Manneater had room for two rows of geraniums all round twice.
They put me in the bath. They scrubbed me. They poured water over me. The water was dirty, very filthy. They scrubbed me. They poured water over me. The water was less dirty, less filthy.
Thar's notting like a good bit'o filth.
Robert is your father's brother.
He glued his thumbs onto his forehead and armed his head.
How do you ginger-up a horse?
Peel a pear-shaped piece of raw ginger root
and stick it up...
Buskerway Eccles was his name.
A toddler in a 70-year-old body is an ugly thing.
Sie ist doof, Sau doof! Du würdest auch so denken, wenn du sie anguckst. Aber es stimmt nicht.
Sie spricht kaum, nur eine gebrochene Sprache, sie schreibt auch, aber die gleiche gebrochene Sprache. Weiter lesen...
Mark Twain said it best: "Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel."
Joan was into basic instincts – eating and drinking – later alcohol and sex. She did what her guts told her to do, what did she need a head for? What use brains? She never said much, she poured food and drink straight down her throat. Did she need a head for... Continue reading...
Roly-poly, pudding and pie, kiss the girls and say goodbye.
He keeps his cards so close to his chest,
even he doesn't know what cards he holds.
Does your best friend know that you read StoryKettle.com ?
You'll have to tell her, you know.
Alexander von Humboldt:
There is no worldview so dangerous as the worldview of those who have not viewed the world.
Did you see Xmas biscuits in Lidl at the start of September?
I saw a left-over chocolate Father Xmas next to the Easter eggs in Aldi last January.
Nottingham did not have a stall, he was free to go where he wished. Most evenings he wandered along the side of the canal to The Flask, he didn't go inside, it was too narrow, plenty of room in the beer garden. On the wall above the tap was... Continue reading...
Send this link to everybody you know and everyone else
Maroombal was his name.
Your vacuum cleaner sucks.
What I used is forty-two two-and-a-halves.
My name is Sash Cramp, at your service.
Remarried couples should abstain from sex, Philadelphia Catholic church says.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
Lives in a garden shed;
And when the boys came out to play,
Mary, Mary shed the shed.
She was a completely different shape, she had body parts that I had not seen before: short legs, a really large behind, a Christmas-tree back, pendulous mammary mountains and various love-handles.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
Lives in a garden shed.
Are those flowers horse-drawn?
No, my horse prefers painting.
Most of the stories have more than 140 characters.
Does your Mum know that you read StoryKettle.com ?
At the end of a list of required tools:
however the most important tool is (not what's between your legs, but what's) between your ears.
“These video clips show greenies gobbling live power cables, can you imagine over 100,000 volts; and here in a nuclear reactor.
‘Them rods / Them rods / Demmm...fuel rods / Now eat dat uranium down!’
These greenies are weird.”
Rain, rain, go away! Come again another day!
The store was full of football this and football that, mostly T-shirts and hats, but also facepaint in the three national colours. I just wanted some decent underpants to stick on my bot. But no, could I find any. No, not no way.
Daffodils are honest.
Tulips are insincere.
Dahlias are lurid.
Må sennep gå med dig.
May the mustard go with you.
Stanley Feldman: Which is more important for a child to have: independence or respect for elders? Obedience or self-reliance? A tendency to be considerate or well-behaved? Curiosity or good manners?
Who regularly incites political violence and is a serial liar, rampant xenophobe, racist, misogynist and birther who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims – 1.6 billion members of an entire religion – from entering the U.S.
She had joined the Eleven when she was eleven. Very important, each wore a very elaborate hat embroidered with the four crosses, and don't forget the little bells. She had been invited into the carnival club when she was four – she danced so... Continue reading...
Perhaps I had eaten a policeman on the way home.
The 19-part story Brasslans is complete, after three years in the making.
Clare Malone: "Naked Power Grab" is the sequel to my romance novel "Delegates Unbound."
She said little and I said not enough.
I didn't know she was dying.
Everything I do, reminds me of you.
We are a small group of people who are very strong and very violent...
Very violent? That's a pretty strong word. Can anybody join, Mike?
No, no one joins the group. It is not a club, not a team, no subscriptions. You are informed that you are in the group, that's it, you can't leave... Continue reading...
To which the answer is no.
Please email this link to your enemies: www.StoryKettle.com
A tisket, a tasket, stick it in a basket.
It's better than a kick in the head with a pointed stick.
A locked door does not a girl in white stop.
tarnished in so many ways
2 is in 8, but in no other digit.
She spent most of the time with me during the questioning. Every time she was asked a question she disappeared and appeared by me. “They wanna know what you're like in bed; and I've told Deirdre that I'll 'it 'er if she don't come on our Sat'day walk.” With that she disappeared and probably reappeared in the living room with the two social workers.
You would think that this would drive any normal person crazy, but he was not normal and had always been crazy.
The "Seven Seas" is an ancient phrase for all the world's oceans. Since the 19th century, the term has been taken to include seven oceanic bodies of water: the Arctic Ocean, the North Atlantic Ocean, the South Atlantic Ocean, the Indian Ocean, the North Pacific Ocean, the South Pacific Ocean and the Southern (or Antarctic) Ocean.
The crazy stuff is inside you.
Most of the time it's OK,
but sometimes it just happens
and it hurts.
Please email this link to your friends: www.StoryKettle.com
Ich bin versaut; ich glaube nicht, dass ich versaut bin, aber meine Frau erzählt mir sehr oft, dass ich versaut bin. Ich mag meine Frau. Ich liebe meine Frau. Aber ich mag es nicht, wenn sie so was sagt. Es nervt... Weiter lesen...
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