| Captain Birdsall: | What are these big round objects? I’m going to pick them up and... |
| Voice offstage: | Start again! Put them down and start again! |
| Captain Birdsall: | They look like cannon balls, but who uses cannon balls these days? I mean, they must be gyrophlants. How did they get here? |
| Distant grumbling. | |
| Captain Birdsall: | Oh, no! They are coming, they must know that someone has brought gyrophlants here. |
| Voice offstage: | Who the hell are they? We’re not fighting pronouns here. |
| Captain Birdsall: | I must hide them or the Pronomen will come and take the gyrophlants away and that will be awful. |
| Voice offstage: |
The only thing awful is you, Captain Birdsall.
PUT THE EFFING THINGS DOWN AND GO AWAY! |
| BIG EXPLOSION! | CAPTAIN DISAPPEARS. |
| Voice offstage: | That’s the best you have ever done, Captain Birdsall. |