Christmas was going to be good with my new girlfriend, but no, the boss, her boss, had much to do and visit over Christmas, parties, reunions, presentations and so on. He was going to be all over the place and he needed his chauffeur.
She told me just a few days before Xmas, we were sitting in the Wheatsheaf pub one evening. “No, I'm very busy over Xmas, why don't you have a boy for Xmas? What about him over there? The one at the end, he keeps looking at you.”
At the next table was a group of young men, yes, they were staring at me, what's new? She went over to him, said something that I couldn't hear and brought him back to our table.
“Oh, yes, you look good and clean. What's your name? And are you good in bed?”
“Er, oh, Bellen, my name is Bellen...”
“Let's take him back to your place and give him a test run.” We each grabbed a hand and marched him to my apartment.
“Have I got this right? Your name is Offie. You, the most prettiest-looking girl on this planet, has a girlfriend named Showfie who says that she will be busy over Xmas and that you need a boy for Xmas. And that stupid idiot is me.”
“No, no, no! You are not a stupid idiot. I don't want you to call yourself nasty names, it's bad for your mental health.”
“Just take your clothes off, Bellen, I'm late already.”
“You're right, Showfie. He smells nice and tastes nice. Just what I wanted, I suppose...”
“I gotta go, Offie.”
He groaned. “I've given him a big squeeze from you.”
“Have a good Xmas and see you in the New Year.” She bent down to kiss us both and she was gone.
“Today we are going shopping, a tree, a goose, lots of other things and you're going to carry it all.”
“A goose? I've never eaten goose before.”
“You'll love it.”
We bought loads of food and Xmas decorations. “I've always wanted my own Xmas tree and decorate it. You can help me decorate the tree and hang the bunting on the ceiling. You're going to help me eat all the food, I'm a real pig at Xmas.”
“Hey, you're not allowed to call yourself nasty names, Offie.”
“Oh, Bellen, perhaps you really like me. You get an extra kiss for that. And a bit more.”
After a couple of days I decided that I liked him, I told him that. Everything about him was fine, good-looking, clean, good to get your teeth into, super in bed. He never talked about sport or cars. Just one thing, he was very quiet, perhaps a bit shy, I told him this.
“At first I thought that you were very quiet, rather reserved, perhaps not all there. But I discovered that you think first before opening your mouth, you use your brain, you've got a sense of humour, I like that.”
“Yes, I like you, Bellen. You're certainly better than all the arrogant sods I've had.”
“You've had lots of boys, haven't you, Offie?”
“Yeah, more than... Oh, just too many. Mostly useless, some OK, but I still haven't found my Mr Wright.”
“You watch a lot of TV, Offie.”
“It's my job, I work in an advertising agency, I watch adverts.”
Xmas was great with Bellen, a real blow-out. We spent all of Boxing Day in bed, mostly dosing.
“Hello, you two! Still having fun together?” It was Showfie, she has a key to my apartment. “Hey, I got a little bit of time free.” And jumped on Bellen.
“Hey, you can't do that. You are...”
“What am I? I'm old enough to be your mother. Just close your eyes and lie back and enjoy it.”
I had to laugh, I kissed them both. “Remember it is Xmas time – let all your dreams come true.”
Showfie rolled off Bellen. “I gotta go, see you soon.”
He looked at me rather shocked. “How do you like making love to your mother, Bellen?” And immediately shoved my tongue to the back of his mouth.
New Years Eve was the high point. We wrapped up well and stood in the snow at the end of the street and watched the fireworks at midnight. We held each other very tight, we were so close.
Soon my beloved Showfie was back with us, it was really great, but Bellen couldn't take the emotion of the three of us. He had to leave. It was very sad.
“Don't forget to come back next Xmas.”