I decided to do something about it after the big speech. The politician stood on the back of truck in the middle of town and gave a long and loud speech. Everybody liked it, everybody clapped, but I couldn't understand it. Did he really say “defecation is the salvation of the working classes” and “exhumation is the nutrition of the fiscal ruin” and what did he mean with all those long words?
I realised that my hearing was not too good and I went to the ear cleaners in the main street in our town. It took two hours and was very uncomfortable but afterwards I think that I can hear better. The guy who did it said that he was really a plumber and had used the tools for blocked drains. He said that I should come back the next day and he would replace all my piping and connect me permanently to the public water distribution system.
I did not understand this and decided not to go back again on the next day, anyway I had other problems. Out on the street it was awful, for years I had enjoyed the bird song, now it was clear to me that what I had been hearing was the awful noise that the cars and buses and trucks made. Was it loud! And they stank too. The plumber must have cleaned out my nose too.
Yes, a big shock! Now I could hear everything, and it was awful. I went home and sat down. The box in the corner with the moving pictures was also making a noise, I hadn't noticed this before, after a while I could understand it, this could be interesting, perhaps it's a good idea to hear straight.
Next shock was the wife, I discovered that she was not telling me all the time how much she loved me. No, she was asking me what I wanted for breakfast, every five minutes.
I stared at her, I looked at her real hard. Next shock, the wife was not the wife. She was someone else. I asked who she was and told her that she was not the wife. She said that she was the sister of the wife and asked me what I wanted for breakfast.
This was not good enough. Where is the wife? I went to the house where I thought the sister of the wife lived. Big shock, there was the wife. I asked the wife what she was doing there. She said that the husband of her sister was better than me, so she moved.
The husband was sitting on an armchair smoking a pipe. He looked like a dog, a large dog. I asked the wife why the husband was a dog. She said that I needed to have my eyes cleaned out and that it was time that I had breakfast. I asked her if she needed glasses. She said yes, but she had lost them ten years ago.
As I was leaving the husband took the pipe out of his mouth and said goodbye – a very polite dog I thought.
When I got home the wife, who isn't the wife, asked me what I wanted for breakfast. I asked her why she was here, and why she was not at home with the husband, and why the husband was a dog.
She asked if I had ever seen a dog smoking a pipe before, I couldn't answer that, and she asked what I wanted for breakfast.
I don't know why she asks me what I want for breakfast. She makes a big bucket of porridge every month, leaves it in the garden for days to get hard, and hangs the porridge on a nail in the kitchen. From time to time she slices off a piece and gives it to me. It's not wonderful, but I'm still alive.
I needed to think hard about this. Perhaps my hearing was still not good enough. I went to a shop selling hearing aids and had my ears tested with a very large hammer. The guy in the shop said that there was nothing wrong with my ears, it was what they were connected to. And that had to be removed. I could not understand this. He gave me a card and told me to go to the address on the card and that they would do a good job.
I still didn't understand and I couldn't read the card. I took it home and gave it to the wife, who is not the wife. She laughed and said that these days you don't go to a dairy to get milk, you go to a supermarket, so you don't go to a crematorium to get cream.
I needed to think hard about this. I had my eyes cleaned out, but not by the plumber. I could definitely see better now. I picked up a paper in the street and took it home with me, but I couldn't read it. The wife, who is not the wife, laughed and said that it was a piece of wrapping paper. She gave me another and said that it was a newspaper.
I looked at it for days and finally held it the right way up and I discovered that it had words on it, lots of words. Some of the words seemed to be in the right order. Yes, it was all about a politician who liked coming to our town, because everybody clapped.
Very exciting! He was coming again today.
The politician stood on the back of truck in the middle of town and gave a long and loud speech. Everybody liked it, everybody clapped, but I couldn't understand it. Did he really say “defecation is the salvation of the working classes” and “exhumation is the nutrition of the fiscal ruin”?
I decided to have my head checked and cleaned out.