I haven't killed anybody

Am I not the Clone Master?

StoryKettle » Clone » I haven't killed anybody

Copyright © 2009, Michael M Wayman

I was driving about and stopped in some town. It was average sort of place, which probably means uninteresting. And I got arrested.

I was driving through a small country in South America, not Texas but not far away, looking for ideas. My new TV show “Well! Clone me!” was starting in two weeks time – I needed ideas and publicity.

You ask... Why that place? Why not? Why do I drive when I can set the time and set the place of where I am. Am I not the Clone Master?

I like driving about, but I hate flying. When I want to switch countries I do just that. Then I drive around. Nobody recognises me, 'cus I got a rubber face just like all the great actors. Look at pictures of the stars of the screen and TV, some have got very recognisable faces and they get type cast as heroes or villains, but the great actors have got rubber faces that they can fit to any roll – the right make-up helps.

Nobody recognised me, but two big police officers with guns arrested me and put me in jail. “We need time to round up everybody for the show.”

What show? I hadn't planned a show on that day, nowhere. And why had I been arrested?

“I'm your lawyer.” he said, as he was being pushed into the prison cell where I was being held.

“Why have I been arrested?” I wanted to know.

“Oh, for murder of course! What else? About once a month someone gets arrested for murder, usually a stranger who is just driving through. The folks take in turns to be the police. They are out and about now rounding up people for the trial. Everybody likes to watch. I don't know who is being the judge this time.”

“I'm the lawyer for the defence and for the prosecution. I'm not really a lawyer, I'm the undertaker. I got chosen as lawyer 'cus I gotta black suit. It's great fun really, I mean the trial and afterwards when they string you up. We all know that you are guilty.”

“Oh, yes! It's great fun for everyone and after the execution there is a lottery for your car. Oh, and I get paid for burying you.”

“Great!” I said. Just then the police returned and took me to the court room.

I entered at the front of the court room on the left – crowds of people entered from the big doors at the back. The TV cameras were there. I thought that it could be good publicity for my next show. When all the seats were filled:

“All stand for his honour, the Judge!” The Judge entered from another door at the front of the court room on the right. The Judge sat. Everybody sat apart from me, I had no seat. The Judge began:

“This is the 194th Session of the Homicide Court in Menda City in the County of Nonferbatem. The prisoner will state his name.” He looked at me. “Your full name!”

“My name is Jim McClane and I haven't killed anyone.”

The Judge ignored this and continued “I will read the charge and...”

I entered the court room from one of the big doors at the back and...

“My name is Jim McClane and I haven't killed anyone.”

I entered the court room from the Judge's door and stood behind the Judge and...

“My name is Jim McClane and I haven't killed anyone.”

I entered the court room from all the doors and...

“My name is Jim McClane and I haven't killed anyone.”

Soon the court room was full of me, there was no room to move, I was everywhere and my voice was loud.

“My name is Jim McClane and I haven't killed anyone.”

After about ten minutes I got bored and left the court room one by one.

Half an hour later I saw the video clip of the trial in another town about three hundred miles away – great shots of the court room – two hundred good people of Menda City and one thousand of me shouting you know what – real good publicity.

I went to get another car, I said that I had to leave the first car in Menda City to escape being lynched. No one in the local car rental office showed any surprise.