There was a battered man standing on the doorstep. Miss Davis and Miss Jones answered the door.
Oh, you poor man, do come in! They carried him inside, took him upstairs, cleaned him up and bandaged his wounds. He was in safe hands.
The two elderly ladies cared for him for months, just as children would care for a bird with a broken wing they had found in the forest, they were so gentle with him. They were even gentle with Cuthbert.
But time passed and the wing healed. They returned the man to the outside world, just as the children would have done with the bird.
They had been so gentle, Miss Davis and Miss Jones, for months, almost like normal people. The trouble starts now.
Miss Davis and Miss Jones put on their heaviest of armoured underwear and hit the town. They visited the bars and got tanked up, ready for the list. They had a printed list of all the violent men in the town, with pictures; they were ready for fun.
The first night they got into fights with five men. Miss Davis and Miss Jones threw them, the five men, into the back of the van and Miss Jones drove to the hospital and unloaded them. Score five for the first night.
Score zero for the second night – the two of them slept through it.
Score minus one for the third night – Miss Davis landed in hospital.
Score minus one for the next night – Miss Jones landed in jail. Angela bailed her out the next morning.
A week later they scored the most – ten flattened men. Oh, let the police pick them up, I don't want to mess up the back of our van, said Miss Jones. Besides one of them is a policeman, said Miss Davis.
There was no stopping them, they listened to nobody, they walked the street with a murderous glint in their eyes. Everyone made way for them. They were the meanest old ladies on this planet – and they didn't care.
If you stood in their way they would walk over you – several times.
If you threatened them with a knife or a gun they would remove a part of your body and eat it – or two or three parts, any part that had been useful.
They were violent and they were enjoying it – they were drunk, always, and they enjoyed that too – also Cuthbert – they were so rough with him.
Soon there were no bad guys left in town, the police had left the streets to Miss Davis and Miss Jones. Oh yes, the two of them walked the streets, the empty streets. No one went onto the streets at night. The streets were really empty – with no one to beat up Miss Davis and Miss Jones destroyed the road signs, the street lamps, the bus shelters. Good bye street furniture!
The police ordered all the bars to close – some hope – Miss Davis and Miss Jones did not even notice that the bars were closed, they smashed the doors in. Oh Miss Jones! This door is a bit stiff. Oh, just push harder, Miss Davis. They drank what they liked – who needs to pay.
One night Miss Davis fell asleep in the town centre and the police took her to the police station and locked her up – some hope – Miss Jones rammed the police station with the van, floored the policemen, opened the cell door, where Miss Davis was, with her teeth and carried Miss Davis over her shoulder to the next bar for refilling.
There is only one thing you can do, call in the army!