reporter

She was here to interview me.

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Copyright © 2008, Michael M Wayman

She had everything I do not like about women, really not my type. But, somehow, I found her very attractive, I fancied her.

Katrina Koolboks was from the local radio station or local newspaper or possibly both; and she was here to interview me. Why I wonder, there is nothing special about me. OK, I have a harem, but anyone can have one. But you don't know that, because you have never tried.

Let's start with the name, Katrina Koolboks is not real. Her hair was held in place with invisible copper wires, it looked so impossibly perfect. Her shoes were so shiny, with chrome and gold stripes. Her legs were in... No, I'll come back to them later.

She wore this expensive looking three piece suit, like a high class robot. Her breasts were pushed up and out, nothing wrong with that, but flattened at the front – important people don't have nipples.

Her jewellery looked like an airport at night, glinting in all different colours. A whole bottle of perfume? And her face – two hours of make-up. And as for her voice and behaviour – judge for yourself!

OK, here I start my rant about tights or pantyhose or whatever you like to call these things. Don't wear them because, firstly they don't look as good as stockings, and secondly they are not good for quick access. I will also add that I don't wear them. If you are still not convinced, look at Wilma, or rather Wilma's wonderfully long legs.

I had better get back to the story. I had just finished having a good time with Wilma, I came downstairs for a sandwich and walked straight into a trap.

Katrina Koolboks: (with microphone) Mr Cuthbert lives in Knowtown.
Mr Cuthbert, is it true that you have a harem?
(stuffs microphone under Cuthbert's nose)
Cuthbert: Start again!
My name is Cuthbert. Call me Cuthbert!
girl choir sings: Cuthbert       (softly)
Katrina Koolboks: Is it true that you have a harem, Cuthbert?
Cuthbert: Oh, yes!
girl choir sings: Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes!
bass choir sings: Oh, yes!       (Miss Davis and Miss Jones)
Katrina Koolboks: Surely not! It can't be true.
Cuthbert: Oh, yes! Just look at all the girls here and ask them.
girl choir sings: Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes!
bass choir sings: Oh, yes!
Katrina Koolboks: How many girls are in your harem, Cuthbert?
Cuthbert: Oh, I don't know, over twenty, I think.
girl choir sings: Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a...
Katrina Koolboks: And how many eunuchs to watch over the girls?
Cuthbert: Unox? Oh, you mean men without balls. Oh, none of them, I'm the only man in the house.
Katrina Koolboks: (slightly embarrassed) But how do you keep them here? How do you force them to bend to your evil ways?
Cuthbert: I don't force anybody, they are here because they want to be here, with me.
girl choir sings: with Cuthbert! with Cuthbert! with Cuthbert!
bass choir sings: with Cuthbert!
Katrina Koolboks: But there must be a harem mother or grand dame who organises which poor girl suffers on Monday evening, and which on Tuesday and so on.
Cuthbert: No, the girls just ask when they want something.
girl choir sings: Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes!
bass choir sings: Oh, yes!
Katrina Koolboks: Oh, surely not!
Cuthbert: Oh, yes! At any time of the day or night the girls come to me and ask for something nice.
Katrina Koolboks: Girls! You mean more that one at a time?
Cuthbert: Yes, sometimes.
Katrina Koolboks: Good gracious! Can anyone understand that?
Cuthbert: Oh, it's easy. I'll show you. You pretend to be a girl and I pretend to be Cuthbert. You walk up to me and say
“Hello Cuthbert, please pick me up and carry me away and do beautiful things with me.”
Katrina Koolboks: Hello Cuthbert, please pick me up and carry me away and do beautiful things with me.
Cuthbert: I pick you up and you say
“Oh, Cuthbert! Oh, Cuthbert!”
and I carry you away and give you a good time.
Easy! Wasn't it?
Katrina Koolboks: Er, yes, but I'm not sure about...
Cuthbert: Not to worry! Let's try that again!
Katrina Koolboks: (rather uncertain) Hello Cuthbert, please pick me up and carry me away and do beautiful things with me.
Cuthbert: (picks her up)
Katrina Koolboks: (very certain) Oh, Cuthbert! Oh, Cuthbert!
both choirs sing: Oh Cuthbert!   Oh Cuthbert!   Oh Cuthbert!
Katrina Koolboks: (drops microphone)
Cuthbert: (carries her away and both have a very good time)