rip saw

The handle was clamped between my knees.

StoryKettle » Amy » rip saw

Copyright © 2019, Michael M Wayman

The lights faded to complete black and the curtain rose. The lights slowly faded back on, but very weakly and very uncertainly, with much flickering and distorted shadows. There was a very unsteady and unusual sound, much distorted and much amplified, a loud hum, close to unstable feedback – was it a theremin?

A large male puppet appeared at the front of the stage wearing black, traditional costume and a black-rimmed hat. Its mouth sprung open wide and the singing started – every other line was:

I want you, I need you.

The singing stopped and the puppet’s mouth abruptly shut. The puppet moved to the left and to the back of the stage, on a turntable to reveal another puppet on the opposite side of the turntable.

I appeared at the front of the stage sitting on a chair holding a big piece of shiny metal and wearing a black dress and a large black-rimmed hat covered with bright red pompoms – Black Forest style.

The handle was clamped between my knees, I held the saw bent with my left hand and bowed the back edge of the saw with my right hand. I sang the same song – every other line was:

He wants you, he needs you.

The turntable turned again, the male puppet appeared at the front of the stage, its mouth sprung open wide and the singing started – every other line was:

I want you, I need you.

The singing stopped and the puppet’s mouth abruptly shut. The turntable turned to reveal the female puppet playing a saw and singing – every other line was:

She wants you, she needs you.

The turntable turned again, but suddenly there was the sound of two hundred drawers of cutlery dropping. The turntable juddered to a halt, the saw sounded clearer, the lighting faded up to reveal a third puppet standing close by and singing – every other line was:

I want you, I need you.

All three puppets sang in cannon:

I want you, I need you.

He wants you, he needs you.

She wants you, she needs you.

I want you, I need you.

Applause, applause. “Thank you! Thank you! And welcome back to the second part of my show. And in case you hadn’t noticed we are in Hammersmith on the second show of my tour with the original title ‘Jollity’s Tour’.”

“Hats off!” We took off our hats and I hung up my saw on the back of the chair.

“The number we’ve just sung I did many times with my brother Jak Phiz and our cousin Gina. However Jak has moved into publications with his father.”

“So a big round of applause tonight for Jimmie, you all know who Jimmie is. And another round of applause for my cousin Gina.” Applause, applause.

“And now we are going to crowd together and belt out ‘Don’t Go Breaking My Heart’.”

Don't go breaking my heart I couldn't if I tried Honey if I get restless Baby you're not that kind